just some weekend thoughts

First of all, this may be a boring post to most of you, but it's journaling for our family, so I'm still going to post it. Also, there probably won't be any pictures, so sorry if it is really boring to you all.

I've been thinking a lot lately about our family, and truly how blessed we are. It seems like when you are going through something difficult, you never see the light at the end of the tunnel. Then, suddenly, it seems like things change rapidly for the better. At least in my life, that is how my trials or difficulties have been. So I've been thinking about how lucky I am and how blessed my little family is. I have two of the sweetest boys on earth, really, I do. If you've ever met them, I'm pretty sure you'll agree. I have a wonderful supportive husband who puts up with me and my crazy ways. We have a wonderful ward family, a wonderful FAMILY far far away from us, and great friends who love and support us.

A year ago this time, I was right in the middle of some really intense fertility treatments. I would never wish the trial, disappointment, or frustration of infertility on any woman or family. I can say I honestly feel your pain if you've ever had to do any sort of fertility. It is hard. It's hard on your mind and body. It's physically painful and limiting, and it's emotionally draining and often unbearable. BUT, this is not what I set out to write...... sorry, I'm digressing. Thinking back to a year ago and comparing it with the here and now, it's pretty unbelievable that my baby turns 7 months old this week. Did the fertility work? No. Did Heavenly Father work? Yes. He always does, and he answered prayers for us that we never really even thought would be answered.

The whole reason I'm writing this long wordy post is because of an experience I had this weekend. We decided on Friday to go out to eat. Shocking I know..... but for us, we don't go out, hardly ever, unless we have visitors in town. So, I picked up Scott from work and we decided we wanted to go out. We went to Red Robin. It was pretty yummy, I got a Peachy Soda thing that was awesome. While we were sitting there waiting for our food, I saw a table full of ladies come in and sit down just across the aisle from us. I couldn't help noticing the very large pregnant belly of one of the girls. She had to have either been having twins, was over-due, or about to burst any moment. They had to slide the table in the opposite direction so she would fit. She was cute, and I kept staring at her. She kept staring at us. It's not unusual for people to stare at us..... we are a racially mixed family, a very cute one at that! :) Eli always gets lots of attention whenever we go out, and people don't usually seem afraid to approach us or comment on us. So, we were sitting there, Eli was bouncing up and down on Scott's lap, I was talking and playing with Will, and we were having a nice time.

The pregnant girl kept staring at us, and soon her mother (I'm assuming) started staring at us. So I just kind of sat there and did my own thing. Then I started feeling really overwhelmed with gratitude and thinking about my family(the whole reason for my post). Yes we get some people staring, but in that moment, I couldn't have been happier. For two reasons. One, Will. And two, Eli. I felt so much gratitude that I am a mother, and have I been through the long nine months of pregnancy and all that accompanies it, I've given birth, I've had an epidural, I've gone through labor, I've pushed for almost three hours trying to bring our son into this world. I've also healed from labor and delivery while nursing my sweet little infant, I've woken up at night, excited to see my brand new baby boy. Then I started feeling gratitude that I was a mother who on baby number two, saw a whole new side of motherhood and got a completely different perspective. I still got to see my baby boy #2 be born, be the first to see him, hold him, kiss him, watch his first bath, feed him his first bottle, change and put on the first diaper, all the while, free of the pains of pregnancy, labor, and delivery. I'm SO lucky. Just think about that, I've experience the best of both worlds. Some people say I took the "easy" way out with Eli. Well, they don't know what they are talking about.

With Eli, I was there from hour one of his birth, just like I was with Will. I still got up in the night, excited to get to know my little gentleman. Though I didn't have the labor pains, and even though I bottle fed with Eli, it was still a healing process for me. With Will, I had to heal physically, and with Eli, I was healed emotionally. So.... back to the girl staring at me that brought on all these thoughts of mine. I can't say for certain what exactly she was thinking, but I bet she was looking at us and thinking "they probably adopted that cute baby....." along with all the other thoughts and questions a pregnant woman might have about that. She was probably also thinking "I wonder if that older boy is adopted......." Even though, I laugh when people think that because he looks so much like the two of us. I don't know what else she was thinking, but I couldn't help thinking about my situation myself while looking at her pregnant belly. I've been there, I'm happy and blessed to have had that experience. I'm also happy and blessed to have had the other experience.

Basically, I've had the best of both worlds. I will be eternally grateful to my loving Father in Heaven for giving me those two amazing experiences. Count your blessings, they are there, even when you think they are not! Don't give up, the light at the end of the tunnel will come, it always does.

And, thanks for letting my write a few thoughts, if you made it to the end, you're a trooper.